You're Still The One Who Has The Key To My Heart
by EastendersHollyoaksFan
Summary: Abigail Branning. Courageous. Kind. Obedient. Lively. Passionate about a certain redhead. After her last heartbreak with Ben, Abi finds herself reflecting on her life- university, family and love. Will she discover her true feelings for her childhood sweetheart? Will she be able to fulfill her childhood dream of being a vet? How she will react to the Branning family secret?
1. Chapter 1

_Hi there. This is my new fanfiction based on Jay and Abi because they are an amazing, unique couple. Recently, Abi has been acting a little out of character but I understand where she is coming from. She is sick of all the fights, affairs and disagreements that she has been through in her short lifetime. In my story, it is a little different from the actual soap because I wanted to try something new and different. In 'You're still the one who makes your heart leap', Jay is nineteen and Abi is eighteen, Ben murdered Heather when he was fourteen and spent four years in prison. When I was doing a little background research of Jay and Abi as well as their families, I discovered that Tanya's middle name is Lauren, Abi was ran over when she was younger by Dean and Jay's father's name is Jason Dyer (Jase for short) but Jay decided to take his mother's surname. I hope that you like this story and don't forget to leave a review. Good or bad. I don't really mind!_

The naked winter trees line the street. There was blustery, chilling subzero winds that bit a lot of her skin. The crystalline crunch of fresh snow that erased her footprints and set the world anew once more. The path glistens like a white quartz, yet ice cystals on weary concrete is all it is. Our breaths were rising in visible puffs. The bleak grey could overhead reflected perfectly her dark heart and her mood inside. Those short days, these long nights, the dampness that crept into her weary bones and made her ache for summer and sunshine again. The bitter cold seeps through her wollen mittens, numbing her fingers until they made her feel thick and stiff unable to handle the zipper on her winter coat. As she glanced at the milky moon, it looked like an ornament hung in the midnight sky. The snowflakes dance and prance in the cold air. You could feel the air being heavy as your lungs were filled with sharp cold and frost each time you breathed in. The bleak grey clouds overhead reflected her gloomy mood perfectly.

The wind bites her face with a ferocity unusual in nature. Bitter and sharp, the raw air flies towards her, eager to suk every remaining drop of heat from her stone cold body. Her face stings and her eyes flood with hot tears as the relentless gusts wash over her. Through the blurriness, she watched the moon hung from the sky liflessly, as if exhauusted from fighting the thick clouds all night. A dense darkness falls on the world, suffocating it on the point of unbreakable silence.

Winter was a wonderland. But nothing seemed to cheer up this heartbroken eighteen year old teenager. She missed the times that her and her beloved would huddle out of the gusty winter wind into the nearby cafe for their coffees to warm them up. Inside, it was toasty warm and they would sip and gossip, glancing out of the window at the hazy fog, glad that they were in the warm dreading the moment they were forced to leave. Even in her cozy winter coat that was her mother's, the cold air penetrates right into her skin and every breath that she takes gives heat in visible puffs and draws the icy freezing air into her lungs, refrigeration from inside. She used to love winter especially the hot chocolate with marshmallows melting into the whipped cream, snuggling up with her family on the sofa with the candles burning, blankets draped over me and Lauren and the happiness that it would bring to Mom and Dad. But that was nothing by a beloved memory and this is reality.

Reality sucked.

The reality was that she couldn't find her true love, her soulmate, her magic man. The one person who could turn her legs to jelly with a single world. Since Abi was a seven and a half, she wondered if she would find 'the one'. That person who would protect her from danger. Be her knight shinning armour and make her his damsel in distress. The only person that truly understood her. The only person that could read her like a book. In her dreams, she was Cinderella and her prince was tall, handsome and mysterious with a secret love for poetry, basketball, his Mum and Anne Hathway Movies! Every chance that he got, he would wisk her away to romantic gateways like Paris. He would kiss her passionately until their lips get swollen. Appreciate her with a bunch of roses and tell her that they didn't compare to her beauty. Make her heart melt with some cheesy romantic rubbish. That he wants to lie by her side every night for the rest of her life. Have a sexy, foreign accent. Amazing, boyish fashion sense. Plays a sexy instrument like the acoustic guitar. Have the same taste in food as her. Care more about passion than common sense, publicly fights anyone who dares come between them. After a massive fight, they would have make-up sex all night. He is spontaneous. He would defend her with his life even if the odds were insurmountable.

He will comfort her in the difficult and painful times. He will dance and rejoice with her when times were good. He will never betray her, never give up on her. Never look at anyone for more like a second. Forgive you when you are wrong. Be hers for eternity and never abandon you. He will never put her in danger no matter how noble the cause may be. He will want to protect the Earth, protect humanity, being kind to animals but demand his life to save her own. But that wasn't the case for Abigail Branning.

Crying is how she understands herself best. When she cries, she knows who she really is. She cries when others hurt as well as herself. She cries at the brutal reality and stupid soft love movies. Abi believed that it was her strength and her weakness. Her eyes were tear-stained, puffy eyed and bleary. Her nose was running and she was distraught. All her tears- silent, dry racking, great heaving sobs that rolled down her puffy cheeks. Her seemingly endless flow of tears. It only begins in the same way. A feeling in her chest and a sadness in her brain then the leaking water is the only blessed release. It is the only way that her body chooses to cope with her heartbreak. As she cried, she knew that her face resembled a withered crabapple. Ben used to described crying as an emotional release, he wasn't exactly ashamed to somewhat cry in front of his cellmates, calling it a healthy way to deal with sadness, misery and heartbreak in our hearts.

Abi couldn't stand the amount of betrayal that was swirling in her chest. It wasn't entirely heartbreak. Even though she did break up with Ben. It was guilt. She felt like she pushed Ben into a relationship when he wasn't ready and he was still have concerns about his sexuality. Ben was so determined to prove that he was a real man to his father or what Phil Mitchell sees as a man or a worthy Mitchell. Christmas. Yesterday, Abi couldn't stand being away from Ben a second longer and took the fastest flight back home wanting to suprise him and give him a pre-Christmas present. Ahh, Christmas. The season to be jolly. But every single Christmas she had with the Brannings had ended in diaster and she had grown used to it.

Affairs, lies, secret illnesses. The list could go on and on. But Abi thought that this year was going to be different mainly because she was going to spend the day with his family instead of hers. When they first began dating, Abi was petrified of meeting them and being introduced as his girlfriend but they all warmed up to her especially Sharon and surprisingly Phil who was happy to see Ben with a girl. Abi didn't consider herself as a Branning didn't consider herself a Branning anymore. All she wanted was to become a Mitchell. She already considered herself to be one and would do anything to impress Phil.

Abi walked into the Vic half expecting Ben to have a pint of beer near his lips making carefree, easy jokes with Jay but there was no sign of him. After Jay gave his approval for them to start dating (not that she needed it from him of all people), they treated their relationship as fragile, weak and delicate but after they spent the night alone together in the Arches that his family owned, she felt that the walls that she put on to protect herself after Jay broke up with her came tumbling down. His best features was his mischievous eyes hidden by those glasses, his boyish dress sense and his hair that always seemed to look perfect. She thought that he must be working late at the Arches and must have forgotten their date so she quickly rushed home back to the Mitchells to get dressed into a sexy Santa outfit.

Abi immediately went to the Arches in an sexy Santa's outfit looking drop down gorgeous from head to toe ready and willing for Ben to rip the outfit off her body. It wasn't exactly Christmas but she wanted an excuse to be close to him. Hell, she would have sex with him every single day if he wanted her to.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hi there! I just wanted to_ _tell you that the last bit of the story is a kind of flashback of what happened yesterday when Abi caught Ben and Paul together and this chapter will begin with a flashback. Okay just so that you know! Please review!_

She both adored and admired the way that one minute they were arguing and the next they were ripping each other's clothes off. Make-up sex. She loved every minute she was there with him. His wisdom was remerkable after spending yeears locked away abused, tortued and neglected by society but that didn't stop him from trying. It made him the strongest person that she knew. It made him a Mitchell. Well in Phil's opinion! But she loved him for him. Every time that he spoke or walked near her, she got butterflies and flutters in her heart and stomach. It is fair to say that Abigail Victoria Ella Branning loved Benjamin Mitchell to the moon and back. But as she entered, she heard Ben's voice and another person's voice. Too deep to be Jay's. Too soft to be Phil's. Something fell off the cabinet and a masculine hand went to pick it up. All Abi could mutter upon coming face to face with her nightmare was a name.

"Paul Coker?"

Les Coker's grandson was there sleeping off with Ben. Sneaking around behind her back like a couple of dogs. Paul and Ben were there half naked with an embarrassed and ashamed looks on their faces looking everywhere and anywhere apart from in her eyes. Watching him go through all that love and affection with another man, especially Paul Coker brought tears to her eyes. That brunette was not the Ben she fell in love wit. Not the Ben that she spent Friday night with watching the entire sequel of Twilight movies. Not the Ben that she said 'I love you' to. She thought that him being gay was just a phase but it had been nagging away at her for weeks wondering if he was being really truthful. Abi couldn't stand the sight of them and ran towards the Mitchell house, collected most of her belongings and told Ben that she would never forgive him for stringing her along. Since then, he has been pestering her through Dot, Lauren, Whitney, Lee, Jack, Billy, Honey and even Bernadette.

Only a lover such as Ben could cause pain as deep as this. Only one all the way inside a heart can shatter it with an act like that Worst part is-you know that, don't you? You love me, you need me, you destroy me...then the music starts all over again. This heartbreak feels cold. It feels like concrete drying in my chest. This heartbreak was unexpected, as they always are - top of the world one minute and cut down the next. Why is that? Yet I can't live there, can't dwell there. So come with me to happiness without throwing another spanner in the works. There are only so many times you can break this heart - one day it'll heal all wrong, heal with him on the outside.

Opening the door to her Grandma Dot's house, Abi sighed in exhaustion and boredom as she placed the bottle of milk in the fridge and collapsed onto the sofa. Switching on the television, Abi thought of television as fantasy, looking into the lives of others, being a fly on the wall, not a bored, heartbroken eighteen year old she stared at the television, she noticed that it was displaying soda commercial, which made her even more thirsty and bored. Grandma Dot's house was normally filled with laughter, life and happiness; that was the way that she liked remembering her sanctuary.

But ever since Fatboy moved to Austria, Grandma Dot has been leaving him endless texts and phone calls but he never returned which was quite unusual and peculiar seeing as Fats treasured, loved and admired Grandma Dot especially her devotion to the Bible and Christianity, her endless love for her family even if they aren't related to them by blood and her motherly support to all the decisions that she made over the years. No one is perfect but Grandma Dot is pretty close. It was beginning to irritate her how much times Fatboy had ignored her calls as if the last couple of years meant nothing to him and he no longer needed her.

Even though she was like a mother to him.

Grandma Dot was loving, caring and supportive to Fats and stood by Fats through all his decisions and problems. More than his own mother has. Abi unlocked her phone for the 100th time to find a load of messages from Ben wanting to explain or wanting to talk to her about his sexuality but she couldn't bring herself to answer them. Not yet anyway. They broke up less than 48 hours ago and he was already bugging her every five seconds. Grandma Dot was away visiting Kirsty or should I say Dotty in America, Uncle Jack is currently in a relationship with Ronnie for the thousandth time. Abi didn't exactly hate the fact that Jack was with Ronnie, she just hated the fact that everyone around her was moving on. Max was in prison for murdering Lucy, Auntie Carol is exploring the world on her motorbike, Liam is in Germany with his girlfriend, Cindy. Bianca is in Milton Keynes with Terry, Tiffany, Rosie, TJ, Morgan and Baby Beth, Sonia is living with Tina and Bex and as for Tanya. Well she was probably having affairs, neglecting and ignoring children, building and destroying her own businesses and get married and engaged.

On her way back to the house from the Minute Mart, she saw Paul Coker exiting 'Mitchell Mansion's' rather pleased with himself. Well at least somebody is happy with the breakup. Ben gets to have a proper relationship with Paul Coker without being scared that Daddy Dearest is going to catch him in the act, Abi thought. She saw Whitney, Lee and Nancy laughing and joking around and she could have sworn that she heard her name in the conversation. Obviously, the whole of Albert Square knew about her breakup! Typical Walford, thought Abi. Whitney shoved a piece of paper on her hand which was bright red and said 'Free drinks to Twelve', 'Happy Hour' and 'Merry Christmas' written on it, with a picture of mistletoe and Christmas trees.

Before the break up, Abi would have regarded the poster with childlike interest but now she couldn't face going to the one place where she knew the Mitchells were. The last thing she wanted was to be in a room filled with old, smelly and gossiping neighbors and her ex boyfriend making out with his new boyfriend in a corner. Moving to the kitchen, Abi poured some vodka with some coke which she found in the kitchen. That was really weird because Grandma Dot never normally drank anything apart from the occasional cherry on special occasions. Remembering Grandma Dot brought tears in Abi's red eyes because she wasn't going to make it in time for Christmas.

Her first Christmas completely alone and broken-hearted.

She couldn't help thinking that if Jay hadn't broken up with her, she would probably be at the Vic with him now kissing and snuggling up to each other. But he would still be in love with Lola, Abi thought. Abi took a long sip from her drink and thought about where she was only a couple of months ago, she killed her own dog, Tramp. It was almost like Tramp could sense conflict and tried to make her stop leaving but moving in front of the car which lead to his death. The last thing that Abi wanted was to be alone especially at that time and Ben was familiar. Her childhood best friend. Even when he killed Heather, she still stood by him which made her more vulnerable to being used. As she placed the empty glass on the table, as if on cue, there was a knock on the door. Exhausted and bored, she moved to the door half expecting to find Ben there with his hair mussed, sweating and panting.

If it was Ben, she was going to slap him.

Abi stood up placing her hair into a tight ponytail not caring that she was wearing a grey top which said 'Geek' on it, blue skinny jeans and grey boots. The first thing that she saw when she opened the door was pitch black hair, blue eyes and a friendly, familiar face. Whitney.

"Abi, hiya." Whitney smiled. "I heard about your breakup with Ben and knew that I had to come over."

Abi pulled a fake smile in return, lying. "Thanks, Whitney but honestly, I am fine."

"Really." Whitney quizzed, raising a brow. "You don't seem so fine to me. Honestly, Abs, this is me. You don't have to put on a brave face especially when you are facing heart 's okay to hate him."


	3. Chapter 3

_Hi there. I promise you that I would try to make it more exciting and dramatic. Thanks x._

Abi wept, grateful for the human company. "Is it? I mean, I have tried for the last couple of hours to hate him but I can't. It is like it isn't humanly possible to hate him."

Whitney asked, confidently. "Are you trying to hate him because you broke your heart or trying to because you want to hide your true feelings for him?"

Abi sniffed, heartbroken. "A part of me is urging me to hate him because he broke my heart. Ben used me to convince people that he wasn't gay but I cannot bring myself to hate him. Another part of me feels almost sorry for him because he would rather spend his time miserable with me rather than having his father not see him as a real man because of his sexuality."

"That is because you are an good person." Whitney explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole world. "You always want to see people in a positive way and want to see the best in people. You overlook their problems and most people should be like you."

"That is what I used to do but now it is like I am completely different person." Abi said, wiping the tears. "Before, I was kind, honorable and sweet but now I am sinister, moody and hormonal. I mean, look what I did to Lucy."

Abi and Whitney stepped inside collapsing into the sofas as Whitney admitted. "No one can blame you, Abi. You were going through a hard time accepting her death and your father's involvement in her death. Everyone remembers Lucy as this considerate, sweet and loving sister, daughter, friend and person but she wasn't completely like that. Lucy could sometimes be a horrible, spiteful and controlling person especially to her friends. She used to cyber bully me making fun of my weight, my body and my hair. Anyone in your position would do the exact same thing, you were starting to have a sense of normality in your life and she destroyed that by having an affair with your dad."

Abi looked away, cursing. "It doesn't explain what dark forces drove me to hurt her."

Whitney let out a nervous laugh before answering." Hate. I guess that you could say that you were thinking of your sister and how she would react. Do you still love him?"

Abi asked, "Who, Ben?"

Whitney shook her head in disbelief. "Jay. I know how close you two were and it can't be easy when you are living with your boyfriend and your ex."

Abi shrugged. "I guess. I don't know if I still love Jay. There is a part of me that will always see him as my childhood sweetheart, my best friend and the love of my life but he also broke my heart. I can never put my heart on the line again for him."

Whitney asked with a raised eyebrow. "Because you still want to be with him, you still don't understand how much you are in love with him or you are scared that he might feel the same way."

Abi let out a nervous laugh. "When did you get so wise?"

Whitney joked, forcing a laugh,"I have been living with the Carters for months."

Abi giggled. "Okay, Whit, enough about me. So tell me what it is like living with the famous Carters?"

Whitney lied. "It's amazing. I mean, I wouldn't change a thing. It is outstanding, brilliant, fantastic..."

Abi raised an eyebrow to her hairline. "Sounds brilliant. Whitney, you have always been an horrible liar. One of your best qualities. Why did you really come here because I don't buy your story about 'comforting me through my heartbreak thing."

Whitney laughed. "I guess that I needed some space away from Lee especially because of tomorrow."

Abi questioned. "What Christmas Day? Who doesn't love Christmas? Presents, mistletoe, stocking, Christmas trees, turkey, family."

Whitney nodded, "When I was little, I used to love Christmas. Running downstairs to find Santa had left me a bunch of presents. But this one will be be worst than the rest. Lee hasn't exactly been himself recently and I'm scared that he get wasted tomorrow."

"Why would Lee get completely wasted on Christmas Day?"

"Because he has got depression." Whitney blurted out accidentally. "Please don't tell anyone that I told you, Abs but he has been out of character recently. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day that Linda told Mick that she was raped and I'm petrified."

"Whit, honestly, you just have to be there for him completely." Abi sighed. "Don't be like my Mum and Dad. If you have problems in your relationship, confide in him because you will regret if you don't."

Whitney whined. "And what if I don't want to hurt his feelings?"

"You have to do the right thing." Abi replied, placing her hand around her shoulder. "Whit, you need to accept the fact that you might not be capable emotionally to provide what he needs. You should tell Mick and Linda, they would understand."

"They hate me." Whitney whispered. "Mick and Linda hate me."

"Why would they hate you?" Abi asked, beaming. "You have been living with them for some time and I can see that they see you as family."

"I did something really bad." Whitney whispered, resting her head on Abi's shoulder.

"Why would they hate you?" Abi repeated, persistent. "Whitney, why would they hate you? If it is because of Lee's depression then I am sure that they would understand. They would understand that you are having problems with accepting-"

"I kissed Mick." Whitney interrupted. "I kissed Mick."

Abi's eyebrows raised to her hairline. "You kissed Lee's father? What was going through your mind when you made this decision? Was it a mistake? Was it a spur of the moment? Does Lee know? What about Linda?"

Whitney sobbed. "I love him, Abs. I can't help it. I have tried everything humanly possible to stop thinking about him but I can't. It makes me sick in the stomach that each night, he is going to sleep beside her instead of me. Why can't I have him, Abs?"

"Because one, he is married and two, he is the father of your boyfriend." Abi retorted. "Whit, you are 21 years old nearly turning 22 while Mick is 39 years old with four children with another woman. The last thing that I want you to be is like my Mum and Dad. They were always having secret motives to everything and in the end, it destroyed the most important people in their lives- Lauren, Oscar and me."

"Yeah but I don't have any kids."

Abi shook her head, "But what about Linda? She has just went to hell and back. For goodness' sake, she was raped by her brother in law and if anyone should know what that feels like then it is you and she was terrified that she was carrying his baby. And Lee has got to deal with his family problems and his own battling emotions. What about little Ollie? How is he going to cope with living with divorced parents? Do you think that you can be the one who destroyed their family? Whit, you either need to break up with Lee or ignore your feelings because you cannot tell him the truth. It would demolish him."

Whitney stood up. "Abigail Branning, you're an angel. I know that one day you will make the perfect wife and mother. I wish you all the best. I should get back to the Vic. Thank you for being the best friend that you can ever be."


End file.
